It’s hard to be humble when you’re an alien. With heads as big as
yours – and brains to match – you’re probably wondering why humans have
made everything so-o-o-o complicated.
Here’s a good example… We’ve made a science out of earning a crust.
We’ve called it a million things: economics, Capitalism, Marxism,
marketing, accountancy, advertising. And to cap it all, someone invented
copywriting!
I wouldn’t blame your average alien for rolling on the floor laughing
(and even that’s been made complicated by what’s known as text
messaging. “ROFL for short,” they say – but now it’s so short that only
those in-the-know know what’s going on!)
No-one can know if you think Earth is a let-down. We can only guess
that the research you did before landing here didn’t prepare you for our
human foibles. In the interests of inter-galactic harmony, it’s
probably a good idea if someone approaches you with a few billion words
of explanation.
Let’s take the aforesaid ‘copywriting’, for instance. Of all the
mysteries in all the world, that may seem a bit random – but, hey,
that’s what we’re like here. Eeny-meeny-miney-…copywriting. Get it? No?
OK – no surprise there then.
I’d like to think I can explain about copywriting, mainly because
I’ve spent most of my life doing it. Now you’re probably thinking that’s
insanity. Humanoids live for 80 years and spend a massive chunk of
their lives doing something really obscure.
We have a phrase here on Earth (everyone’s always saying it). “Life’s
too short,” we say, “for wasting it on XYZ.” We say it, but don’t
practice what we preach. When it comes to earning a crust, humans have
invented so many time-consuming techniques they can barely master, until
it’s time to retire – then die.
The Down-To-Earth Truth
Ah well. Let me tell you about copywriting anyway. “Is it a branch
of economics?” you ask. Well – erm – not really. “Is it to do with
accountancy – whatever that is?” (Yes, I can see you’ve picked up a few
useful words, but I think you’ll need to be a bit more patient.)
No, my friend. Copywriting is a branch of marketing. And that’s all
about selling. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You may meet people
who work in universities who will tell you otherwise. And there may also
be people who’ve spent three years studying in universities, learning
how to complicate things, who will probably agree with them.
Yes, marketing IS linked with economics. And that’s a great way of
measuring what everyone does for a living and then deciding we want more
of it – every year. Whether that’s possible isn’t the point. Economics
was invented to make us depressed as you’ll see when you look at those
strange things we call newspapers and televisions. Check out the words
we use: recession, depression, deflation, devaluation…
No-one will admit it, but marketing is all about lots of people
rushing around trying to convince other people that what they do and
make and sell is FAR BETTER than their neighbors’ efforts. Mad really.
Some of us call it ‘re-inventing the wheel’ (no, your rocket doesn’t
have wheels, but if it did, they wouldn’t be round enough for earthly
marketing men).
So, you see, copywriting is part of marketing. We’ve made marketing
so complicated that we’ve had to split it up into digestible bits.
Copywriting is one of those pieces, but you’re sure to meet other people
who’ll bore you rigid talking about PR, advertising, direct mail,
below-the-line stuff – and so it goes on.
It’s hell out there!
These are all the complicated ways that marketing folks have invented
to earn a living. Some people can earn a small fortune by being smarter
or quicker-to-the-punch than others. Yes, marketing people can be quite
aggressive. They even use the metaphors of war to describe what they
do. They talk about ‘campaigns’ and things. They’ve even invented names
for their leaders such as ‘captains of industry.’
Not so with copywriters. They’re the ones who get down and dirty with
words. Yes, I know: why do we all get so excited about a few strings of
words? Well, let me tell you: when marketing people take a copywriter’s
work, then add on some pictures from a photographer or designer –
everyone ends up in a pure frenzy!
Their campaigns will out-sell their neighbors’ campaigns. Their
product will blow everyone else’s out of the water. Market domination
will bring its own rewards like more success, more pictures – and more
copywriting.
Are you still with me, so far? It’s great you’ve picked up our
language so quickly. It’s a shame, though, that we’ve had to leave
simplicity behind. I mean, you’d think that copywriter would have a
vested interest in making their work easy. You’d be right to assume that
language which is easy to understand would sell more (in a marketing
kind of way).
Copywriters want none of it. They have to show off how clever they’ve
become after spending huge chunks of their life organizing words in
rows. They’re desperate to create double meanings, innuendo, irony – you
name it! We have another phrase here on Earth: we say “It’s only human
nature” – as if turning everything into an incomprehensible nightmare
was a responsibility everyone assumes on exiting the womb.
We also respond strangely to questions whose complexity can often
baffle even the sharpest of minds. Copywriting is a fairly typical field
of human endeavor where this mindset is embraced. It may not mean much
to you, but our favorite phrase is: “It’s all alien to me!”
Mike Beeson
